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YOUR MARRIAGE, BUT BETTER - ONLINE
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AND YOU MIGHT BE THINKING, "YEAH RIGHT"
It feels especially impossible to imagine the joyful possibilities when you’re overwhelmed, mentally-drained, with a never-ending to-do list and this just feels like "one more thing I have to freakin’ figure out."
I’m offering this program for YOU, yeah you…the frazzled one in the pajama pants. People who make a big and consistent commitment to work with me long-term get the biggest results. Factor in kids, jobs, school, sports, workouts….the barrier for many getting the results they want is TIME.
But BIG TRANSFORMATION doesn't mean you have to throw a wrench into the rest of your life!
Big change doesn't have to take a lot of time.
I’m offering this program for YOU, yeah you…the frazzled one in the pajama pants. People who make a big and consistent commitment to work with me long-term get the biggest results. Factor in kids, jobs, school, sports, workouts….the barrier for many getting the results they want is TIME.
But BIG TRANSFORMATION doesn't mean you have to throw a wrench into the rest of your life!
Big change doesn't have to take a lot of time.
THIS PROGRAM WAS CREATED BECAUSE OF A
HEART-SINKING MOMENT
The Story:
Years ago a couple came to see me twice. 6 months later they were back. As we got situated in our chairs I said, “So, what brings you in?” He said, “We want you to mediate our divorce.”
WHAT?!
He said, “Well, we tried counseling and it didn’t work.”
Every time I tell this story my heart hurts. This is when I realized I hadn’t been clear with clients about what it takes to create lasting change.
What I knew, deep down, was that my clients who were consistent and committed saw the biggest results the quickest. Therapy is not unlike going to the gym…you can’t go twice and expect to drop 60 pounds.
Research supports this: behavioral change of any kind takes daily consistent action.
I think a part of me hadn’t been clear about this because I had assumed it was something people knew.
I think a bigger part of me was reluctant to be clear about the consistency and commitment that's required for big results because I didn’t want to come off as salesy or pushy. I obviously benefit from my clients' commitment and consistency.
WHAT?!
He said, “Well, we tried counseling and it didn’t work.”
Every time I tell this story my heart hurts. This is when I realized I hadn’t been clear with clients about what it takes to create lasting change.
What I knew, deep down, was that my clients who were consistent and committed saw the biggest results the quickest. Therapy is not unlike going to the gym…you can’t go twice and expect to drop 60 pounds.
Research supports this: behavioral change of any kind takes daily consistent action.
I think a part of me hadn’t been clear about this because I had assumed it was something people knew.
I think a bigger part of me was reluctant to be clear about the consistency and commitment that's required for big results because I didn’t want to come off as salesy or pushy. I obviously benefit from my clients' commitment and consistency.
I completely changed the way I work with couples.
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Around the same time I noticed that a lot of the people who were most craving change in their marriages were those with extra-full plates. The 7-year itch is a real thing. And those years with young kids are HARD on relationships.
So the people who needed the consistency and commitment the most were the least able to make it happen. It was incredibly frustrating to watch couples flounder while making it to my office maybe once per month – we’d take one step forward, then 2 steps back. Daily consistent action? |
Mother's Day 2013
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Wasn't happening...And I had a hard time NOT sympathizing with their reasons for having not been in - I was a mom to 3 young kids myself.
Unreliable babysitters, unpredictable work schedules, lack of family support, no villiage to relay on: their reasons were completely valid.
Unreliable babysitters, unpredictable work schedules, lack of family support, no villiage to relay on: their reasons were completely valid.
Something was missing.
I created the Your Marriage, But Better Online Program for couples for lots of reasons, but these realizations are what pushed me over the proverbial edge.
Great counseling is part psychoeducating on skills, strategies, and mindsets. It’s also part art: feeling out how to unravel the inconspicuous ways my clients have been programmed to see themselves and the world that are keeping them stuck.
I spent 2 years creating this WAY more flexible option that digs into both: the strategy AND the soul.
Two decades of training and a decade of working deeply with couples became distilled down into very specific themes in my work that lived in columns of sticky notes on the wall outside my office.
The Your Marriage, But Better Program was born. I first offered it live in St. Louis with overwhelming positive response and then I created an online version that has been a part of my intensive programs for couples ($2500 - $3500) for 2 years - the flexibility makes consistency a lot more possible. You can work through the modules in your jammies at 9p at night if you want. NO . BABYSITTERS . REQUIRED .
And now you get an all access pass to the online program without having to pay thousands.
Surprisingly, I love the online program for so many more reasons than the flexibility it provides…it also gives us a precise structure and a clear path to ensure we leave no relationship stone unturned. I’m proud to have created something so comprehensive and unique.
The Your Marriage, But Better Online Program offers structure and accountability that winging it in traditional therapy just doesn’t. The consistency required for big results is built-in. I just HEART this program. It has proven to produce results on it's own and in conjunction with counseling.
Great counseling is part psychoeducating on skills, strategies, and mindsets. It’s also part art: feeling out how to unravel the inconspicuous ways my clients have been programmed to see themselves and the world that are keeping them stuck.
I spent 2 years creating this WAY more flexible option that digs into both: the strategy AND the soul.
Two decades of training and a decade of working deeply with couples became distilled down into very specific themes in my work that lived in columns of sticky notes on the wall outside my office.
The Your Marriage, But Better Program was born. I first offered it live in St. Louis with overwhelming positive response and then I created an online version that has been a part of my intensive programs for couples ($2500 - $3500) for 2 years - the flexibility makes consistency a lot more possible. You can work through the modules in your jammies at 9p at night if you want. NO . BABYSITTERS . REQUIRED .
And now you get an all access pass to the online program without having to pay thousands.
Surprisingly, I love the online program for so many more reasons than the flexibility it provides…it also gives us a precise structure and a clear path to ensure we leave no relationship stone unturned. I’m proud to have created something so comprehensive and unique.
The Your Marriage, But Better Online Program offers structure and accountability that winging it in traditional therapy just doesn’t. The consistency required for big results is built-in. I just HEART this program. It has proven to produce results on it's own and in conjunction with counseling.
Introducing the Your Marriage, But Better Online Program
The Online Course: Within this 10-week course you'll receive step-by-step, easy to follow, in-depth training to support you every step of the way in creating a partnership you LOVE. The course is delivered to your inbox weekly. You'll receive 8 Online Modules which include video, audio, and downloadable files.
Relationship Visioning Tool: Creating Conditions for Freedom - When plates are full it's easy to feel like life is running you. If you've thought things like, "I don't even know what I like anymore," this HUGE module (2-hour total completion time) will help you more consciously create a partnership and life that feels good and energizing. AND...you get THIS ENTIRE MODULE by signing up for the $2 1-Week Trial. Cancel anytime during week one and you won't be billed again. CLICK HERE to start your $2 trial.
You-nique Living and Loving: "What is wrong with you? Are you serious right now?" Feel less hurt, anger, and resentment. It's so easy to take our differences personally. In this module we'll discover ways of living and loving meant for who you truly are...not who you should be. We'll also get clear on each other's personality types, strengths, loving styles, things we were born to suck at, and how to create a specific-to-your-unique-needs partnership.
Feelings: Your New BFFs and GPS: Have you ever been blindsided by a partner's BIG feelings that have obviously needed time to grow? Why didn't you tell me?? It can often feel like you've been playing a game, but no one gave you the rules. Or do you cave? Sweep your wants and needs under the rug for the sake of avoiding conflict? In avoiding discomfort we miss opportunities for growth, emotional connection, and intimacy. If this pattern exists in your relationship I'll give you practical and actionable ways to start moving through your relationship and life in a way that is a whole lot less draining and a whole lot more fulfilling.
I teach my kids this stuff too!
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The Emotional Intent Clarity Tool & Training: I want you to be able to end an argument BEFORE it happens. Not being able to communicate deeply will keep you in the cycle of having the same, ridiculous arguments on repeat. The FIRST and most overlooked step in clear communication is to clearly understand your own emotional intent and the intent of the person with whom you're interacting. This tool will allow you to deep-dive under the surface of the behaviors you don't like (in yourself or others) and get to the roots of the problems in your relationship.
Ninja-like Communication Skills: Learning and implementing just one of these communication skills is proven to significantly improve scores on measures of relationship satisfaction and we cover EIGHT. Also included is an in-depth training on the Conflict Map Tool. People often ask me, "What do I do next?" or "What should I say next?" when I'm helping them through tough conversations: they know that what's habitual hasn't been beneficial. Breaking old relational habits and coming up with the next best step is about thinking about tough conversations in a WHOLE NEW WAY, and the Conflict Map and Training help you do just that.
Demystifying Sex Drive / Keeping the Spark Alive (nope...I won't just tell you to *do it* more): Differences in drive and the meanings we attach to these differences can slowly poison the relationship, even further disintegrate the drive of the lower-drive person, and decrease emotional intimacy. Even hugs and back rubs can start to feel slimy. This topic is HIGHLY misunderstood. I have yet to lead a workshop or talk on the subject and have a man or woman say, "Oh yeah....I knew all that already".... even in a room full of medical doctors. I hope you leave this module with more compassion and understanding of yourself and your partner.
Radical Happiness Responsibility: In this module we'll cover empowering, healthy, and research-based ways to feel more happiness. I will not tell you to "THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS." And, most-importantly, we won't just be covering MINDSET (which is a huge piece), but I'll also be giving you ways to wrap your mouth around boundaries and how to speak YOUR unarguable truth.
Cultivating Abundance / Division of Labor: Why is money an easy thing to fight about? Because it's an emotion-laden subject. I'll outline several concrete ways to create habits that will reduce stress and energy drains around the subject of your finances.
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For a FREE TRAINING and more information about why each module is SO GREAT check the next session of my Strategies for Busy Couples Webinar. Over 2000 people have signed up to watch. Emily attended and here's what she had to say....she's a yoga instructor in St. Louis and is pretty wise herself. We're not even related!
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You'll Also Get:
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Group Q&A Calls: Monthly group calls where I'll cover EVEN MORE information and you'll get a chance to ask me questions about your specific-to-you stuck spots.
Access to Our Supportive Secret Facebook Group: You'll get access to the exclusive Facebook group for 6 months where new valuable trainings, tips, and strategies for creating your best relationships will be posted every week. We'll also be completing exercises here, reporting on your wins, getting feedback, and I'll be checking in to support you with As to your Qs along the way. |
Ever-expanding content on the FB group.
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Some of the Tools Included:
Great 8 Communication Skills: Have a partner that shuts-down or blows-up at the first inkling there might be a disagreement? You'll receive training on 8 of the most relationship-changing communication skills with real life examples. I promise to not turn you into a robot or Stepford Wife, but I do want you to have the skills to be able to CONFIDENTLY move through difficult conversations with ease. Practicing just ONE of these skills in your relationship has been shown to significantly increase relationship satisfaction. Nuf said.
Interaction Clarity Tool: Here’s the real deal. You could learn EVERY communication skill under the sun, know them forwards and backwards, semantically say every single word correctly and in the exact order you’re supposed to, but if your intent is ‘off’ it has the power to ruin the most perfectly worded communication, cause irritation, anger and defensiveness in the listener and send your interaction straight down the drain. It's what has driven me the most crazy in my close relationships. INTENT is a POWERFUL thing.
Not fully understanding and being able to communicate about different intents is at the core of every argument you have. This one tool will give you really clear ways to break down the most complicated of conflicts into 4 different categories. Ever have NO CLUE why you're getting the reactions you're getting in your closest relationships? Once you learn to identify the intents involved in an interaction the reasons for pain, fear, anger, or hurt feelings becomes clear...and so do your next best steps. Eliminate feeling like you can't win with this one tool.
Interaction Clarity Tool: Here’s the real deal. You could learn EVERY communication skill under the sun, know them forwards and backwards, semantically say every single word correctly and in the exact order you’re supposed to, but if your intent is ‘off’ it has the power to ruin the most perfectly worded communication, cause irritation, anger and defensiveness in the listener and send your interaction straight down the drain. It's what has driven me the most crazy in my close relationships. INTENT is a POWERFUL thing.
Not fully understanding and being able to communicate about different intents is at the core of every argument you have. This one tool will give you really clear ways to break down the most complicated of conflicts into 4 different categories. Ever have NO CLUE why you're getting the reactions you're getting in your closest relationships? Once you learn to identify the intents involved in an interaction the reasons for pain, fear, anger, or hurt feelings becomes clear...and so do your next best steps. Eliminate feeling like you can't win with this one tool.
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Conflict Map and Training: Ever feel like you need a map to get out of conflict? Well now you'll have one. This map took so much brain-power to make, it hurt. There are ways to move through conflict that in the short-run will feel better, but in the long-run will mean more conflict. When you're avoiding, shutting down, or sweeping your own wants and needs under the rug to keep from fighting your chances for conflict in the future increase. The longer these practices are in place, the more is under your relationship rug. Use this map to thoroughly resolve issues for good.
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Bonus Discount ($100 value)
$50 OFF 2, 1-Hour Sessions If Needed ($100 value): This program was designed to give you a structured path to follow in addressing key skills, strategies, and mindsets shown to significantly improve relatoinship satisfaction as well as address common personal and relational sore spots than can be an underlying, never-ending source of bickering and growing resentment. I try not to leave any relationship stone unturned. I know this has the potential to unearth some tough stuff. Because of this I'd like to offer you 2 laser-focused coaching sessions by Skype or in-person at a -$50 reduced rate ($100/hour) to get you through your stuck spots fast.
ALL OF THIS COSTS LESS THAN ONE SESSION WITH ME
What is so cool about this online program is that I get to serve more couples and families in a really big, yet affordable way. When I work with couples I meet with them over the first week for a 2-hour appointment. The Your Marriage, But Better Program includes MANY TIMES this amount of training, education, deep-diving exercises, and support for less $$ than an initial couples session.
I love the results this online program has created for couples so much that it has been a non-negotiable part of the only ways I work with couples, in intensive 3 and 6-month programs that cost $2000-3000, for the last 2 years.
I love the results this online program has created for couples so much that it has been a non-negotiable part of the only ways I work with couples, in intensive 3 and 6-month programs that cost $2000-3000, for the last 2 years.
SAME price whether you participate solo or with your partner:
Instant Access to your course portal and Module 1 which includes the comprehensive Relationship Visioning Tool Instant Community in our top-secret FB group where I upload new additional content every week and hold Q&A sessions. You'll have access for 6 MONTHS! Weekly Delivery of 8 in-depth training modules including video, audio, and .pdf exercises over 10 weeks right to your inbox. Consistency is key, and built in to the program. Cancel anytime during 7-day trial Create relationships and a life you love. Vertical Divider
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Instant Access to your course portal and Module 1 which includes the comprehensive Relationship Visioning Tool Instant Community in our top-secret FB group where I upload new additional content every week and hold Q&A sessions. You'll have access for 6 MONTHS! Weekly Delivery of 8 in-depth training modules including video, audio, and .pdf exercises over 10 weeks right to your inbox. Consistency is key, and built in to the program. Cancel anytime during 7-day trial Create relationships and a life you love. |
CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR VERY OWN CONFLICT MAP
I explain more about the conflict map in the FREE Training for Busy Couples
Sign up for the next class.
Why Mika?
Maybe we haven't non-virtually met. If so, you should have a healthy dose of skepticism. I mean...I'm asking to be a part of THE most important relationship in your life.
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So here's a little more about me:
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A 7-day "Try it on, see if it fits, keep some of it" $2 trial
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I've done everything in my power to make this the simplest, most comprehensive program for improving relationships available.
I KNOW it works because it's the exact same process that's been behind HUGE relationship turn-arounds in my own life and those of my clients.
However, if you're on the fence...or if you're skeptical if change is even possible for you, then I want to give you every chance to start this program with absolute confidence. That's why I'm giving you a FULL 7 DAYS in the program for just $2. Choose to quit by day 7 and you won't be charged again. View full instructions on how to quit >> |
Hey, it's me, Mika.
How do I know you can transform what's possible for your relationship?
Mika & fam
Because I came from some of the most insidiously destructive communication patterns there are.
I very uncharacteristically threw a remote across the room (back when remotes weighed 8 pounds) at age 11 because I couldn't hear the TV over my parents arguing. My mom filed for divorce for the 2nd time soon after this. (<--read more about that here)
I was aware I wasn't born into the Cleaver family. I knew I had been trained into my beliefs about relationships from people who knew very little about the kind of marriage I wanted.
I became obsessed with relationships and what makes them work.
For years I participated in my own therapy and coaching, I got degrees in psychology and marriage and family counseling, I've researched, I've scoured spiritual and relational texts, worked my way through A Course in Miracles, attended multiple professional conferences…..
I’m SO PASSIONATE about this stuff because I turned it around…BIG TIME.
The compliments I take the most seriously are the ones I receive from my husband…because all I ever wanted was a happy and functioning family.
4 years ago he said to me, “Thank you.” We had just sat down to a not-so-spectacular dinner. I had spent this day of my maternity leave with a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old and a nursing baby. I'm willing to bet I had bodily fluids on my clothes that weren't mine. I looked at my plate confused and thought, "He can't be thanking me for this dinner." I said, “For what?!”
He replied, “For helping me be the person I've always wanted to be.”
My eyes welled with tears. This stuck with me. FOR. DAYS. I get thank you notes and testimonials from clients frequently, but this…THIS was it.
I had been so busy working on MY part in our relationship I hadn't realized the impact it had on him. He said he couldn't think of anyone’s marriage he’d rather have. I agreed.
And now you get to reap the benefits of my total obsession.
The best of what I've come across over the last 18 years I've synthesized into this life-changing program.
Cheers to you, and all I know is possible for your relationship. *Cue the Kumbaya....just kidding ;-)
I very uncharacteristically threw a remote across the room (back when remotes weighed 8 pounds) at age 11 because I couldn't hear the TV over my parents arguing. My mom filed for divorce for the 2nd time soon after this. (<--read more about that here)
I was aware I wasn't born into the Cleaver family. I knew I had been trained into my beliefs about relationships from people who knew very little about the kind of marriage I wanted.
I became obsessed with relationships and what makes them work.
For years I participated in my own therapy and coaching, I got degrees in psychology and marriage and family counseling, I've researched, I've scoured spiritual and relational texts, worked my way through A Course in Miracles, attended multiple professional conferences…..
I’m SO PASSIONATE about this stuff because I turned it around…BIG TIME.
The compliments I take the most seriously are the ones I receive from my husband…because all I ever wanted was a happy and functioning family.
4 years ago he said to me, “Thank you.” We had just sat down to a not-so-spectacular dinner. I had spent this day of my maternity leave with a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old and a nursing baby. I'm willing to bet I had bodily fluids on my clothes that weren't mine. I looked at my plate confused and thought, "He can't be thanking me for this dinner." I said, “For what?!”
He replied, “For helping me be the person I've always wanted to be.”
My eyes welled with tears. This stuck with me. FOR. DAYS. I get thank you notes and testimonials from clients frequently, but this…THIS was it.
I had been so busy working on MY part in our relationship I hadn't realized the impact it had on him. He said he couldn't think of anyone’s marriage he’d rather have. I agreed.
And now you get to reap the benefits of my total obsession.
The best of what I've come across over the last 18 years I've synthesized into this life-changing program.
Cheers to you, and all I know is possible for your relationship. *Cue the Kumbaya....just kidding ;-)
What we won't do.
Hold virtual hands and sing Kumbaya, group therapy, or mandated sharing. While I do hope the group lends itself to feeling comfortable in sharing of your relationship struggles, you are free to share as much or as little as you'd like.
The program is meant to be informational and educational. While results can be therapeutic, this will be based on your engagement and involvement in the class and your commitment level to change once the course is over.
Get kinky. I'll be educating on the ins and outs of sex drive and how men and women are ridiculously different. We will not be covering mechanics. Sorry to disappoint.
The program is meant to be informational and educational. While results can be therapeutic, this will be based on your engagement and involvement in the class and your commitment level to change once the course is over.
Get kinky. I'll be educating on the ins and outs of sex drive and how men and women are ridiculously different. We will not be covering mechanics. Sorry to disappoint.
Yippee! What happy participants are saying.
- "I'm raving to all my friends about it!"
- Before the 3rd Module. "Can't wait! There has already been THOUSANDS of dollars worth of therapy in this course."
- "SO much great information."
- "I'm catching myself and pausing before I say things and trying to do it in a new way."
- "It's like you're in my head!"
- "I NEVER thought about it [men's sex drive] that way."
- "We don't feel so alone."
- "When's Love Sex Kids #2 coming out? Seriously, let us know! We want more!"
- Received this email from a couple who'd just finished the course:
As a Nationally Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor I cannot share participant's identies. It even goes against my ethics code to ASK clients for a testimonial. However, the post below had a public privacy setting in a public forum. As you can see...I take confidentiality REALLY seriously.
Click here to see what happy clients are saying :)
FAQs:
Can I do the Program alone?
Absolutely! I've had several people take the course without their partner and still are able to create change in their marraige. When I work with couples I tell them that from here on out your only problem, project, and solutuion is YOU. Cleaning up your part of the problems in your relationship is the only thing you have control over and partner participation isn't necessary for this to occur.
will parenting solutions be covered in the love, sex, kids course?
Kids tend to magnify issues already present in the relationship while decreasing time to sufficiently deal with the issues. The course works to help busy couples slice through conflict, resentment, and hard conversations more efficiently and increase emotional intimacy...whether kids are in the picture or not. The course is parent-focused, but childless couple-friendly. While no explicit parenting information is reviewed, I use these skills, strategies, and mindsets in my relationships with my kids as well. Many of the skills for healthy relationships with your spouse are the same skills necessary for healthy relationships with your children.
Soooo, How long will i have access to the content?
You'll have access to your online course portal for 20 weeks and the secret Facebook community for 6 months. However, you can download the content and rework the program for as long as you both shall live.
If we both do the course, should we do the modules together?
I want you to fit this program into your life in any way you can (while driving to work, while walking the dog, while cleaning...). I know doing the modules together is not ideal for most people. If partners do the Modules separately I suggest setting up a weekly 30-minute meeting with each other to discuss the material.
Who is it for?
This course might be for you if you'd like to take your relationship to the next level, if you feel like you've been in a slump, or would just like to get back to a place where your relationship feels better.
Who is it not for?
If the choice is between consulting a divorce lawyer or this course, this course is not for you. Your relationship may deserve some 1-on-2 attention in the form of counseling or mediation. If you are not sure if this course is for you schedule a call with me or shoot me an email and we can discuss your options. I want you to be clear about what will work best for you.
SAME price whether you participate solo or with your partner:
Instant Access to your course portal and Module 1 which includes the comprehensive Relationship Visioning Tool
Instant Community in our top-secret FB group where I upload new additional content every week and hold Q&A sessions. You'll have access for 6 MONTHS! Weekly Delivery of 8 in-depth training modules including video, audio, and .pdf exercises over 10 weeks right to your inbox. Consistency is key, and built in to the program. Cancel anytime during 7-day trial Create relationships and a life you love. Vertical Divider
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Instant Access to your course portal and Module 1 which includes the comprehensive Relationship Visioning Tool
Instant Community in our top-secret FB group where I upload new additional content every week and hold Q&A sessions. You'll have access for 6 MONTHS! Weekly Delivery of 8 in-depth training modules including video, audio, and .pdf exercises over 10 weeks right to your inbox. Consistency is key, and built in to the program. Cancel anytime during 7-day trial Create relationships and a life you love. |