Why your _________ (marriage, job, relationship, life, whatever) isn't terrible....but it's not GREAT
That moment right before big, awesome change looks so unsexy.
Waffling, meandering, pro & conning, contemplating, questioning, hair-pulling, mulling, whining, over-thinking, and asking for help.
I help people out of this ridiculously uncomfortable limbo-state and into clarity, decision, and next best steps.
We fear the unknown.
This not-terrible situation you're in, at the very least, is familiar. So you tolerate it with BIG HOPES that if you wish and pray long and hard enough it will (somehow??) fix itself.
But uncertain prayer and uncertain thoughts bring you more of the same limbo.
You're right: it's not terrible. But what I get to see in the form of new clients is the cumulative effects of living in this state for months, years, and sometimes decades and the impact it has on relationships, well-being, mental health, immune systems, and a person's self and SOUL.
You feel like you've forgotten who you are and what's important to you. What excites you? What turns you on? What lights you up?
Decide. And stop winging it!
A HUGE part of my job is inspiring people out of uncertainty and into a clear decision. What you want is to gain momentum in a direction that feels more inline with who and how you REALLY are....and to know how to stop letting fear take the wheel.
It's like I have to see, and hold the space for, the best version of my clients before they can: "Come on over here! The water's fine! You can do it!!" and until now they're all, "WHAT?!!! I can't DO THAT! Ok, well it does sound great, but it's SCARY!! What if I'm not enough?!! Over here is, well, OK...so I'll just stay. And thinking about coming over THERE makes me want FREAK OUT!"
Whether it's a new way of engaging in conflict, talking about sex drive, getting out of a not-great-for-you relationship, detaching from a toxic family member, taking the big leap from corporate to entrepreneur, committing to a new goal, doing BIG things...it probably means we need to grow.
Growth is always uncomfortable. No exceptions here. The problem is when we interpret this discomfort as a stop sign. We have to start learning to choose discomfort over a life filled with resentment and regret.
BUT WHAT IF I FAIL!!!!!!!!?????
That is scary, isn't it?
But what if it's possible that you could truly be happy? What if it's possible that you are enough?
The day I made this quote art above (I don't know what they're called!) I had worked with a few people on the other side of a big change. I love days like these. I get to see my clients visibly lighter, shoulders relaxed, exhaling with a sense of relief, and wearing a Cheshire cat grin.
THIS is the day we have waited for. Once fraught with worry, anxiety, and paralyzed by indecision...he and she is freakin' LAUGHING at his or her old self, "WHY did I stay OVER THERE for SO LONG???? It's crazy!!!?"
The answer's always the same, "Because, my dear, you didn't see your value clearly."
And identifying and unraveling the twisted and habitual (nearly invisible) ways we don't honor ourselves can take someone from the outside looking in, accountability to do the uncomfortable stuff, loving support, and probably a little (or mighty) push.
You deserve all of this.
Leap, and the net will appear...and then you'll look back and say, "I can't believe how fucked up that was".....but it wasn't the situation, it was the degree to which you didn't see your value.
You rock. You always did.
Would you like less not-terribleness and more greatness in your relationships? Check out my programs for couples: www.mikaross.com/couples-programs.html
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