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Have you ever been SUPER confused about why your partner is snappy? so defensive? or quick to shut-down?
Or why, with even the BEST intentions, you don't stick to your health and wellness goals? You know like eating right, moving more, giving yourself more breaks, and hiring a babysitter to go on more date nights?
EVERYTHING that's painful in your experience has an undiscovered, or un-worked-through destructive core belief underneath.
We ALL have underlying core beliefs that shape our perspectives, actions, lack of actions, behaviors, and relationships.
The thing is that these beliefs are sort of like my sunglasses on my head. When my sunglasses are on my head for any significant period of time I start to not feel them. I become completely unaware of my sunglasses resting directly on my scalp, and inevitably later start scouring the house for my sunglasses. "WHERE ARE MY SUNGLASSES???!!!"
Like sunglasses on my head, you have lived with these underlying beliefs for SO LONG that you don't even know they're there.
When my husband and I had VERY young children we would find ourselves with nothing to talk about except our stressful experiences (child-raising; "When's the last time she pooped?", work; "So how's work?", etc.). This lead to some date nights that felt SO not worth the money we were paying in babysitting.
I decided one night to spice up the conversation with, what I thought was an innocent question about dreams, hopes, and wishes: "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"
My husband said, "I don't know,"....which I thought was odd. I proceeded to go on and on about how I would love to someday visit Hawaii, Italy, & Greece. The more I talked the more he shut down, got snappy, and defensive.
I had no clue what why he was mad!
Confused, I changed the subject, but decided to bring it up later. To make a long story a medium story, I was met with the same snappy husband I had encountered at the restaurant. In both instances he said he was "FINE" and that he just didn't know where he would go.
I asked if he was mad, "NO, I'M NOT MAD." His tone said something different.
I thought about what I knew about core beliefs. There's a really common one that many people can relate to that I thought might be at play. The thoughts that go along with this belief are, "I'm not doing enough," or "I'm not doing it right."
I knew when my husband felt these messages coming from ME he tended to get short and SHUT-DOWN.
I said, "How do you think I'm saying you're not doing enough or you're not doing it right?"
He said, "I DON'T!"
I didn't give up, "Do you think I'm saying it's YOUR job to get me to Italy, Greece, and Hawaii?"
"YES!!! What else would you be saying?!"
Ahhhh. Now we could have a REAL conversation because THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING or even BELIEVED at all. It was a destructive core belief getting in the way of us having clear communication.
He looked at where we were financially at the time (2 tiny kids, new house, daycare, blah, blah, blah) and when he even THOUGHT about the fact that I wanted BIG travels in my life it poked and prodded at his "I'm not enough" belief.
Ugh, so much for fun date night conversation! But THIS IS HOW EASY IT IS FOR COMMUNICATION TO GET OFF TRACK, and then PERCEPTIONS OF EACH OTHER GET OFF TRACK, and then THE RELATIONSHIP GETS OFF TRACK.
I wholeheartedly believe that learning the skills, tools, mindsets, and strategies to get to the bottom your issues in the least amount of time in your relationship is WAY BETTER than a trip to Hawaii with a crabby husband.
Uncovering these beliefs in one thing, working through them is a WHOLE other thing. Sort of like the difference in understanding what you need to eat more and less of...and actually doing it.
Making big changes takes a high degree of persistence, commitment, and determination. The people I work with who get the biggest results the fastest are consistent and committed. This just isn’t something a lot of us are great at. Who has time for one more thing? And when we’re low on time we often put ourselves last.
This is why I've created the Love, Sex, Kids Course. I wanted to serve more people and make a difference in a bigger way at a price that works for more people (less than a first session with me). I wanted to start reaching, educating, shifting, and transforming people BEFORE the crap hit the fan in their marriage; before the affair, before the palpable emotional distance, before one person was "done."
Yippee! What happy participants are saying.
Or why, with even the BEST intentions, you don't stick to your health and wellness goals? You know like eating right, moving more, giving yourself more breaks, and hiring a babysitter to go on more date nights?
EVERYTHING that's painful in your experience has an undiscovered, or un-worked-through destructive core belief underneath.
We ALL have underlying core beliefs that shape our perspectives, actions, lack of actions, behaviors, and relationships.
The thing is that these beliefs are sort of like my sunglasses on my head. When my sunglasses are on my head for any significant period of time I start to not feel them. I become completely unaware of my sunglasses resting directly on my scalp, and inevitably later start scouring the house for my sunglasses. "WHERE ARE MY SUNGLASSES???!!!"
Like sunglasses on my head, you have lived with these underlying beliefs for SO LONG that you don't even know they're there.
When my husband and I had VERY young children we would find ourselves with nothing to talk about except our stressful experiences (child-raising; "When's the last time she pooped?", work; "So how's work?", etc.). This lead to some date nights that felt SO not worth the money we were paying in babysitting.
I decided one night to spice up the conversation with, what I thought was an innocent question about dreams, hopes, and wishes: "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"
My husband said, "I don't know,"....which I thought was odd. I proceeded to go on and on about how I would love to someday visit Hawaii, Italy, & Greece. The more I talked the more he shut down, got snappy, and defensive.
I had no clue what why he was mad!
Confused, I changed the subject, but decided to bring it up later. To make a long story a medium story, I was met with the same snappy husband I had encountered at the restaurant. In both instances he said he was "FINE" and that he just didn't know where he would go.
I asked if he was mad, "NO, I'M NOT MAD." His tone said something different.
I thought about what I knew about core beliefs. There's a really common one that many people can relate to that I thought might be at play. The thoughts that go along with this belief are, "I'm not doing enough," or "I'm not doing it right."
I knew when my husband felt these messages coming from ME he tended to get short and SHUT-DOWN.
I said, "How do you think I'm saying you're not doing enough or you're not doing it right?"
He said, "I DON'T!"
I didn't give up, "Do you think I'm saying it's YOUR job to get me to Italy, Greece, and Hawaii?"
"YES!!! What else would you be saying?!"
Ahhhh. Now we could have a REAL conversation because THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING or even BELIEVED at all. It was a destructive core belief getting in the way of us having clear communication.
He looked at where we were financially at the time (2 tiny kids, new house, daycare, blah, blah, blah) and when he even THOUGHT about the fact that I wanted BIG travels in my life it poked and prodded at his "I'm not enough" belief.
Ugh, so much for fun date night conversation! But THIS IS HOW EASY IT IS FOR COMMUNICATION TO GET OFF TRACK, and then PERCEPTIONS OF EACH OTHER GET OFF TRACK, and then THE RELATIONSHIP GETS OFF TRACK.
I wholeheartedly believe that learning the skills, tools, mindsets, and strategies to get to the bottom your issues in the least amount of time in your relationship is WAY BETTER than a trip to Hawaii with a crabby husband.
Uncovering these beliefs in one thing, working through them is a WHOLE other thing. Sort of like the difference in understanding what you need to eat more and less of...and actually doing it.
Making big changes takes a high degree of persistence, commitment, and determination. The people I work with who get the biggest results the fastest are consistent and committed. This just isn’t something a lot of us are great at. Who has time for one more thing? And when we’re low on time we often put ourselves last.
This is why I've created the Love, Sex, Kids Course. I wanted to serve more people and make a difference in a bigger way at a price that works for more people (less than a first session with me). I wanted to start reaching, educating, shifting, and transforming people BEFORE the crap hit the fan in their marriage; before the affair, before the palpable emotional distance, before one person was "done."
Yippee! What happy participants are saying.
Before the 3rd class, "Can't wait! There has already been THOUSANDS of dollars worth of therapy in this class." "I'd been putting off a conversation with my for 10 years because of an underlying core belief. With the skills and mindsets I learned, and a push from Mika, I had the conversation. We're now having sex like rabbits." "When's Love Sex Kids #2 coming out? Seriously, let us know! We want more!" |
"I'm raving to all my friends about it!" "It's like you're in my head!" "Before the course I used to wonder if we were the only one's having these issues. Hearing from others in the group helped us not feel so alone, and also made what we were going through a lot less scary." |
Video 3 is a SNEAK PEAK of my Love, Sex, Kids ONLINE course where people are signing up NOW to dig deeper in their relationship and in themselves than they ever have, so that they can get bigger results in life than they've ever gotten. Also available in the St. Louis area LIVE.
This video is from Module 1 (there are 3) of the online course and covers those sneaky little buggers: Core Beliefs. This is one of 10 pieces of your life we dig deeply into in this first module so that you can leave the exercise with some totally do-able, concrete, tailored-to-you, next best steps.
This video is from Module 1 (there are 3) of the online course and covers those sneaky little buggers: Core Beliefs. This is one of 10 pieces of your life we dig deeply into in this first module so that you can leave the exercise with some totally do-able, concrete, tailored-to-you, next best steps.
What's your Affirmation? What's your Action Step? Confused? This exercise is the chewiest of them ALL, but can net for you LOTS of change for a little awareness. The best thing about the courses is that there's plenty of time for questions and answers either LIVE in class or during the built-in group Q&A calls. You get answers specific to you with one-the-spot coaching. With a few questions I can usually get to a core belief that feels right to you within minutes.
The questions my group members come up with during these classes have instigated some of the most intriguing, insightful, and helpful conversations. I really do work with the smartest, most heart-centered, purpose driven, "I really didn't think I'd like therapy..." people out there.
JOIN US!
You deserve happy relationships,
The questions my group members come up with during these classes have instigated some of the most intriguing, insightful, and helpful conversations. I really do work with the smartest, most heart-centered, purpose driven, "I really didn't think I'd like therapy..." people out there.
JOIN US!
You deserve happy relationships,
