I've worked with many couples navigating their relationship post-affair. This is such a difficult and sensitive time for all involved.

A time of grieving and betrayal filled with waves of anger, deep wells of sadness, panic-like anxiety, and terror that one might lose his or her partner and family, all juxtaposed with periodic intense feelings of love and desire.

Hi. My name is Mika, and I'm a recovering perfectionist. I even had to fight the urge to re-write the saying to the left 40 times. It's true.

Have you ever really thought about all that you do? I mean EVERYTHING.

I guarantee you most of the things on your to-do list are in your brain and not in your calendar. And when things on my to-do list are in my brain they totally drain my energy, block creativity, and nag at me in a Chinese-water-torture sort of way.

Why in the world do I write blogs? WHY DO I MAKE VIDEOS that are freaking totally unprofessional (bad lighting, bad angles, bloopers included, etc.) yet totally informational ;-)...(SCROLL down to see the video)? Why do I put myself SO out there?

If you've ever wondered if your marriage will last, or if you're doing it right, or if how you fight is REALLY bad this video is for you.

But I digress...Ok, the screenshot YouTube chose for this video looks like I'm about to give someone a breast exam. Or like I'm casting a spell, "You muuuuuuusst watch my videoooooooo." WTHeck YouTube?!

That moment right before big, awesome change looks so unsexy. Waffling, meandering, pro & conning, contemplating, questioning, hair-pulling, mulling, whining, over-thinking, and asking for help. I help people out of this ridiculously uncomfortable limbo-state and into clarity, decision, and next best steps.

Tired of your worst parenting moments happening before 8am? I was, too. I wasn't even sure how we GOT to this place: daily yelling, rushing, frustration, and anger. "BRUUUUUUSH YOURRRRRR TEEEEEEEETH!!!!!!" Who were we? I didn't recognize us.

One of my really good friends called me recently and was having a little freak out about her daughter being relationally bullied at school. This kid was leaving her daughter out of play, calling her names, and generally just not being very nice.

Here are some ways to express anger with your words and a neutral tone that won't land you in an orange jumpsuit - expressing anger vs. acting out in anger:

I love changing people's minds about therapy. Believe it or not, I used to be pretty anti-therapy. When I was in middle school and my parents were divorcing my mom asked me if I wanted to go see a counselor. I'm sure my look of disgust said it all and the "NOOOoooooOOOO!!!" was completely unnecessary.

Years ago a couple came to see me twice. 6 months later they were back. As we got situated in our chairs I said, “So, what brings you in?” He said, “We want you to mediate our divorce.”

WHAT?!

He said, “Well, we tried counseling and it didn’t work.”

Every time I tell this story my heart hurts. This is when I realized I hadn’t been clear with clients about what it takes to create lasting change.

Dear Everyone, Being a therapist does not mean I don't have icky emotions or bad days. It doesn't mean I'm perfect...in the perma-grin, stepford wife, all-is-well all-the-time, only good vibes and juju sense of the word.

Ew. I am not that.

I LOVE feelings of rage, anger, frustration, irritation, anxiety, sadness, hurt, and even guilt. I have learned to have a kind, loving, and even friendly relationship with these feelings...and it's ALWAYS easier to be friendly with these feelings when they live in others than when they set up shop within myself.

On this day of my second maternity leave with an infant and a toddler I had managed to make dinner. Between the screaming, the nursing, the wiping, the entertaining, the exhaustion, and the boo-boo kissing, with baby in sling I had skillfully juggled a baby, a toddler, and a kitchen knife the way only 2nd time mothers can do.

Maybe you’ve seen the articles popping up in your social media feeds: one featured on The Gottman Institute’s website and the other on Business Insider. Ladies are sharing them at rapid pace…perhaps hoping their less-than-emotionally-intelligent husbands will read it and somehow become more emotionally intelligent.

A 75-year longitudial study out of Harvard uncovered what creates a happy and purposeful life. What were the most important variables? Money? NOPE. Success? NOPE. What kind of car you drove? Nuh-uh. How much power you had? How much you achieved? What kind of jeans you wore? What wrinkle cream you used? How much you weighed? No. No. No. No.