Why Kids Don’t Listen 😩

Let's talk about something every parent deals with: kids not listening.

Not listening when we ask them to put on shoes. 
Not listening when we remind them about chores. 
Not listening when we're already running late and our patience is hanging by a thread.

It's frustrating. It's draining. And it can feel personal. 

But here's the part most parents never hear:

When kids stop listening, it's often a sign they need more positive interaction… not more correction.

I know — it feels counterintuitive…and maybe like the LAST thing you want to do.

Especially when they're getting on your very last nerve!

But kids listen best when the relationship “bank account” is full. 
When they feel connected, seen, enjoyed, and safe. 
When the ratio of positive interactions outweighs the moments of correction, redirection, and “STOOOPP!!!”

And the times when they're the least pleasant to be around? Those are often the moments when their tank is running lowest.

Not because they're manipulative. 
Not because they're trying to disrespect you. 
But because connection is the fuel for cooperation — and they're running on fumes. 

Sometimes the most effective thing we can do is interrupt the cycle of correction and give them what their nervous system is actually asking for:

A little quality time. 
A little warmth. 
A little “I like being with you.”

This doesn't have to be a big, elaborate outing. 

It can be a 10‑minute card game. 
A walk around the block. 
A shared snack. 
A date with your child that's intentionally set up for success — meaning low opportunity for correction and high opportunity for connection. 

Once, I took my son to the bar down the street, and we got root beers and played Big Buck Hunter for 20 minutes. He exclaimed it was the “best day ever!” on the way home. Don't overcomplicate this. 

Here's the truth:

Kids listen better when they feel better. And they feel better when they feel connected. 

If your home has felt tense, chaotic, or full of power struggles lately, try focusing on connection.

And…this is only ONE reason kids don't listen. If how you discipline involves anger, frustration, and irritation, you might be unintentionally draining the relational bank account quicker than you can fill it. 

We'll be talking about this more today on the LIVE Q+A for members of the Family Rules, Chores, and Systems for Discipline Workshop. 

If you're a member, we're currently doing a 10-DAY Family Rules Reset where I'll be doing 3 live Q+As over the next week. Members can submit their questions at the link at the bottom of the workshop homepage.

May the force be with you on this holiday break,