🎄Boundaries: The Real Holiday Magic - TIPS INSIDE
Let's Get Real
The holidays are basically a boundary obstacle course. You've got Aunt Linda asking your barely a teenager if she has a boyfriend “yet”, your kids beelining it to the dessert table before dinner, and your in-laws wondering why you won't stay until midnight when you clearly look like a raccoon who hasn't slept since Halloween.
Most people think boundaries are about being mean. Nope. Boundaries are about being sane. And if you want to survive the holidays without needing a week-long nap in January, you're going to need them.
Boundary Misconceptions
“Boundaries are selfish.” No, Karen. Boundaries are the reason you don't end up crying in the bathroom with a plate of stuffing.
“Boundaries mean you don't love people.” Wrong. Boundaries mean you love people enough to not secretly hate them while you're doing things you don't want to do. Saying yes when you really want to say no invites resentment into the relationship that the other person didn't ask for.
“If I set boundaries, people will be mad.” Spoiler: sometimes they will. However, their feelings are not your job. Your job is to attend to your own feelings and energy levels scrupulously and not to be everyone's emotional Roomba.
“Good parents don't need boundaries.” Oh honey, good parents are basically boundary ninjas…especially when you have “future leaders” in the mix of your offspring.
"Boundaries need to be delivered with a side of bitchiness." THIS is what we see on TV and in movies. I encourage people to deliver their boundaries with the same nonverbals they would use when ordering a pastrami sandwich at a deli.
Holiday Boundary Hacks
Decide how long you'll stay at gatherings before you go. (And stick to it.)
For difficult circumstances or family systems, come up with a code word or gesture that signals to your partner that you need to leave.
In communication, stick to what you CAN or will be doing, and don't explain or apologize for what you won't be doing. Instead of “We can't do the 7 AM Turkey Trot this year because…." Try, "We'll be there for brunch around 10 AM" (like you're ordering a pastrami on rye).
Protect downtime like it's hidden presents.
Teach your kids to say things like “I don't want a hug right now” — because consent starts at home.
RESEARCH ON BOUNDARIES SUGGESTS that the most boundaried people are the most compassionate.
WHAT? WHY? Because they are the most compassionate towards THEMSELVES….and we can't give what we don't have.
Boundaries aren't barriers to joy. They're the scaffolding that keeps joy from collapsing under the weight of everyone else's expectations. This holiday season, remember: saying “no” to what drains you is saying “yes” to what matters most.
The best thing you can do for the people who love you is keep yourself happy,
P.S. - The Boundaries Workshop is part of our relateWELL Membership and comes with every.other.workshop I've ever created PLUS every-other-week live Q&As to help you keep moving when you get stuck. AND it costs less than DoorDashing a meal from Panera for one per month. It's ridiculous. Also, no cancellation weirdness. Cancel your subscription at any time and continue to have access to the membership for the remainder of your term.
ALL of the courses you get with the relateWELL all access pass!!!
