When not everyone likes you 🥺
If you don't accept that you'll end up the villain in someone else's story…you'll likely become the villain in your own.
We've all been there: you try to do the “right” thing, you act with care, you try to have patience, you give and give and give, and you genuinely mean well. Yet, despite your best intentions, someone walks away hurt, disappointed, angry, or even with the perspective that you're the “bad guy” who's intentionally hurt them in this scenario.
🎭 Perspective Shapes Narrative Every person carries their own lens, shaped by experiences, values, expectations, and even their own beliefs about themselves. What you thought was kindness and helpfulness might very well feel like betrayal to someone else.
⚖️ Intent vs. Impact Intentions matter, but impact matters more. You can't control how your actions land. Do your best with this part, but I wouldn't recommend being too attached to the outcome. So much of how those actions are perceived is out of your control. All you can do is respond when they don't land as you had hoped.
“I hear that you are angry and hurt. I hate that you feel this way. I hadn't considered this perspective of my actions, but see how you are perceiving it like this. I know it might not make very much sense, but I was thinking about this differently at the time, and I would like to talk in person to say more about my intentions and to get clearer about what you need moving forward.
🧩 The Limits of Control However, despite you responding in the bestiest way, you still can't always edit yourself into everyone's “good guy” role. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to accept that you won't be universally understood or appreciated. Sometimes, people's beliefs about you say more about them than they do about who you actually are. The cost of chasing being liked by all may be at the expense of your own wants, needs, feelings, and wellbeing…and I'd hate for you to live with the resentment and coulda-shoulda-wouldas that come with being the villain in your own story.
Practical Takeaways
Practice empathy, but don’t chase universal approval.
Own your mistakes when they happen, but don’t apologize for existing.
Remember: being someone’s villain doesn’t erase your worth or your goodness.
Life isn’t a single story — it’s a library of perspectives. In one book, you’re the antagonist. In another, you’re the mentor. And in your own, you’re still the protagonist. The challenge is not to avoid being cast as the villain, but to keep living with integrity even when you are.
You deserve happy relationships,
P.S. Relationships are hard, and there is no easy button, but there are definitely EASIER BUTTONS. Having a relationship problem? We probably have an online workshop or course for that. Don't see help for what you're struggling with, reply to this email and let me know :) It might be a great idea for our next workshop. I'm happy to help make things less unnecessarily difficult.
