The WEIRDEST thing I did as a new mom that paid off exponentially.

Around this time of year, back in 2011, I peed on a stick and my heart sank into my socks.

“HOW are we going to do THREE?" We were barely hanging on for dear life with TWO. 

No grandparents in town, childcare costs out the wazoo, I had been building my private practice part-time while teaching at the university 2 nights per week, and I was going to have to put the brakes on it all AGAIN. 

By the time this kid was born, we were going to have one in Kindergarten, a 3-year-old in pre-k, and a baby who needed to get dropped off at Miss Lisa's (she ran an amazing in-home daycare). That would mean three kids, needing to go to 3 different places, all by 9 AM. 

I couldn't get past imagining until 9 AM without feelings of panic setting in. 

I had never had a positive pregnancy test and NOT been excited. 

The guilt over not being excited was maybe worse than the fear of not being able to do it all. 

Breathless and trembling from the inside out, I felt hollow when I told Eric. We just stared at each other in disbelief. 

That night, we threw our plans to make dinner out the window and ordered pizza. I remember eating like a zombie, tears rolling down my cheeks, as I stared into an imagined future where I wouldn't get to be the kind of mom, friend, partner, or therapist I wanted to be, with the usual, loud squeals of a 2 and 4-year-old delighting in life in the background.

The next day, I asked myself a question I often ask clients, “If you had 5 bazillion dollars in the bank, what would you do?” What immediately came out of my mouth was, “I would have someone live with us.”

Could write a whole post about this, but, for now, just know that 5 bazillion dollar question isn't about money, it's about removing your brain's obstacles. 

If you knew our family and financial situations at the time, you would understand just how far-fetched this idea was. The ridiculousness of this idea would have led most people to dismiss it immediately. But as a therapist, I get to see, day in and day out, what happens in the long run to people's minds, bodies, souls, and lives when they continually “suck it up.” 

Their lives get off-track, little by little, in an almost imperceptible way until one day they don't even recognize themselves or remember what lights them up. Depression and anxiety sink in.

“When was the last time you had fun?”

But I noticed that with 5 bazillion dollars in the bank account and more imaginary supports in place, I got to feel excited about this baby. Maybe I wasn't a monster of a mom?

A few days later, I was talking with a friend's mom, who is also a therapist, and I told her about my answer to the bazillion-dollar question.

To my surprise, she didn't laugh out loud. 

I told her I had looked into nannies, but that we just couldn't afford the cost, even part-time.

She said, “What about an Au Pair?” I said, “An au WHA?” She explained that while her dad was stationed in France when she was little, she had an incredible French Au Pair. She raved about the experience.

I smiled while listening to her stories, but I was convinced that this was not something that would fit our budget. A FRENCH word had to mean it was super expensive, right? 

I had run the numbers on every. other. childcare option, so by the time I was on the Au Pair agency's website later that day, I knew immediately that this could be a viable option. Because part of the compensation includes room and board, 45 hours of care would cost less than sending two children to daycare and one to after-school care three days a week. 

Long story short, Eric was resistant to the idea—big time, and I was frustrated he had such a big “NO” despite not having done any research. I said, “You don't get to just veto the idea. I've done HOURS of research, and this is the best solution I've come up with. Your turn. YOUUUU do the research and come to me with a solution that's not me throwing my life and mental health under the bus.”

Later that day, he came home with flowers…and a reluctant, “You're right…every other option sucks. Let's meet with the Au Pair agency lady."

And, we did it. We scanned the database, interviewed several potential candidates, and did this SUPER weird thing that no one else we knew was doing or had done. Members of our family judged us harshly and talked about us behind our backs. 

However, our year with Alejandra from the south of Spain was one of the best decisions we ever made, and our first year with a third child was one of the best in our marriage. We had more support than we needed, which meant I spent more quality time with my kids. Also, I had time to propel my business into another dimension.

She prepped dinner, folded laundry during nap time, and was a set of extra hands even when she was off the clock (think loading the dishwasher after meals). 

Eric and I built in regularly scheduled Friday happy hours and go to the same place every week...same bat-time, same bat-channel. You gotta keep it simple (stupid) during those years with little kids. The big kids would push us out of the house to have their pizza party happy hour with Ale. 

Family pictures from 2012 about a month before Ale left.

She LOVED our kids. I mean aggressively loved them. She wouldn't even speak Spanish to our older kids because she felt so bad when they couldn't understand her. ALE!!!

And the weird part I didn't really expect was that we started to love Ale (Ah-lay). She was family. She became our little sister. We all BAWLED when she left. It was HORRIBLE.

Which brings me to this week in 2025.

We have remained in touch with our Spanish sister from another mister all this time. Her family has hosted us on more than one occasion in Spain, giving us non-touristy experiences most people only read about for less than a trip to Disney.

Her parents are our kids' Spanish grandparents. Now, ALE'S FAMILY IS OUR FAMILY!! My 2011 mind would be blown.

And this week, Eric and I are headed to Spain for her sister's wedding. NOTHING could excite me more than getting to attend a wedding IN ANOTHER CULTURE!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am trying not to be obnoxious about this, but it's REALLY hard.

Follow along on Instagram this week to see me documenting this wedding like Steve Irwin would document a crocodile with glitter scales.

The moral of this long story: I'm not sure how to explain what happens when I listen to myself and what I need, but it sure does feel like it pays off exponentially in ways I would NEVER expect every. single. time.

I truly believe the following (in a woowoo way…and in a not woowoo way):

1. The world treats you the way you treat you.

2. The BEST thing we can do for our kids is keep ourselves happy.

3.  Annnnnd I can't remember the third one, but it's probably about doing WEIRD stuff no one else is doing because MOST PEOPLE and RELATIONSHIPS AREN'T WELL.

I'm not sure if an Au Pair is your answer to the 5 bazillion dollar question, but whatever it is, I hope you don't let it go….and that it pays off exponentially.

"But what if it fails, Mika?" But what if it WORKS OUT???

You deserve happy relationships that you never expected or dreamed of,

P.S. - Moms, to hear more about how I got my happy back in motherhood and marriage outside of having an Au Pair for a year, check out the free wellMAMA Workshop available for a limited time :)