When Life Gives You Lemons
One day last week, I had three clients in a row who were dealing with extraordinarily stressful circumstances. Things like highly conflictual custody cases, family members with substance use issues who are wreaking havoc on the mental well-being of those around them, and living in the middle of life-stealing health issues that no one has answers for, while waiting for test results on a particularly scary diagnosis.
Sometimes, there are no life hacks for that.
At the end of our tearful and melancholy session, one client said, “C'mon, say something insightful and funny.” He's used to me wrapping his issues up in a bow and delivering a reframe, levity included, by the end of our hour together.
I said, “You can't make lemonade out of trash. And this is trash."
Once, a client came in and spent an hour telling me about the atrocious offenses her mother-in-law would verbally hurl in her direction.
Her request? “You have to help me be less impacted by this. These interactions ruin my day with my family.”
I said, “I feel like you're asking me how you can lick a petri dish full of the norovirus and not throw up or get diarrhea. You're being poisoned. Your whole body is going to respond. I think we need to figure out how not to lick the petri dish."
Sometimes that's possible. Sometimes it's not.
I don't know about you, but when I get something like the flu, I don't try to power through. I don't believe that shifting my mindset will help me still be functional despite a 103° fever. I cancel my day, I ask for help (usually a Vitamin Water run), and I try to nurture myself while my body's response is running its course.
Of course, avoid as many lemons as possible. But when life gives you unavoidable lemons...cry about it, take a nap, call a supportive friend, drink tea, wrap yourself in a warm blanket, lie down, go for a walk, research options, breathe, think about how things could get better than this, get 8 hours of sleep, take a day off work, get outside, let someone take you out to lunch, and be easy on you.
We don't always have control of the lemons or the lemonade.
If life hands me trash, sure, I can recycle it. It would then get picked up by someone who's not me, sorted by type, color, and resin code by someone who's not me, washed by someone who's not me, shredded by someone who's not me, melted by someone who's not me, reformed into pellets by someone who's not me, and sold to manufacturers (not me) who mold them into new containers.
After months, some of those pellets could become a watering can….that I could buy to water my new lemon tree. Months after that, I might get a lemon that I could make lemonade with.
What I'm saying is…we can't make lemonade out of trash in the here and now, but I hope what you're dealing with is temporary, and that someday, you'll be able to make lemonade out of that lemon you've watered, fed, and cared for for months…but it's not going to be today. That's not just okay, it's all that makes sense.
Until then, take care of YOU.
Wanna go for a walk? Or have a cup of cinnamon tea? Increase the good where you can, friend.
You deserve some care and attention,
P.S. Need somewhere to vent where people aren't going to slather you with toxic positivity or statements like, “I mean, it could be worse"? Unfortunately, I have a waitlist of 3 to 6 months. If it's not urgent, you can get on that here. I wouldn't recommend waiting to get the support you need if you feel like you need it sooner rather than later. To find a great therapist or coach near you, head to a local Facebook group and ask for referrals anonymously (there's usually a drop-down menu option to do this). The great ones always appear repeatedly in the comments section.
